I have lately cried, so much that you wouldn't believe it.. I have cried of happiness, and of sadness... I punched my pillow over and over again because I just couldn't do this anymore, be here.. It is like it is pointless, why stay and need to say goodbye, what good will it do? I feel like it is over anyways and I should just leave now instead of waiting.. And then there are the moments when I have cried because I have to leave, I am so freaking confused about all this, but I guess that is normal for my situation.. Well other than that, I have lately missed my beloved grandmother, my Mormor, mor than I ever have before.. It is the fought of not getting to hug her in the airport in Copenhagen, like she hugged me goodbye in August, that is killing me... It is the fought of not getting go to the Country House in "Rorvig" and spend time with her this summer that is killing me.. All the things I usely do in the summer, will now forever be changed.. No more late nights eating waffles with jam on the porch, no more homemade strawberry porridge and picking blueberries with her.. No more helping cooking meatballs "frikadeller" and no more afternoon danish pastery and cocoa.. No more painting outdoorfuniture and watering flowers.. No more of all the Grandma stuff!! Well I still have my other grandmother Lise, my fathers mother, and yes I still get to do all the stuff with her, but that is other stuff, not the stuff I did with my Mormor, Kirsten!!! And all this missing has left me with the fear of ever loosing, with the fear of my mother passing away, because my children in the future will also need a grandmother, a fear that Heaven aren't really that great and that God have forgot about her... It has left me with the fear of confronting the truth and the world.. Confronting Denmark, and the fact that she is really gone..
I miss her more than words can describe, more than I could ever tell... Day, by day it doesn't seem so bad, but in the big picture, I think that I still believe that she will come back! Enough about my grandmother, even though I could write Novels, and Novels and more Books about her, I wont make you read it!!
Other than the tragedy I faced in 2012, it has been a good year... I have seen so many new things and expirienced a bunch.. And it will only keep coming.. Soon a new adventure starts!!! SUMMER'12 the time of our lifes.. Soon I'll get to see some of the things I have always dreamed about... But first I get to show my parents Mobridge, and then we are heated to Mt. Rushmore and I once again get to see one of the most amazing things in the world.. And further to the amazing Las Vegas, than to Grand Canyon, Los Angelas, San Fransisco and then home to good old Denmark!!!!!!!! Hanging with my friends, seeing my family and travel once again this time 2 weeks to my own little Paradice: Antibes, France with my grandparents and my brother..... Well it is gonna be pretty awesome!!
And in the fall only more adventures and new things are gonna come..
XoXo Siri <3
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